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Post by LUCIAN MARCIN AMORE on Nov 1, 2009 19:20:49 GMT
* lucian marcin amore [/size]    just burn me baby[/size] A N D S E T M E A L I G H T O N T H E I N S I D E - - - - - - - - - - - -it was exceedingly safe to say that lucian was one confused little boy right about now. confusion was something lucian knew well, but this, this was just baffling to the highest extreme. and he had to say, fucking terrifying. the first year was having a hard time of it. it was bad enough having to deal with the fact his body was going through the changes it was, what with bursting into flames regularaly now and being absolutely freezing when he wasn't, if that wasn't enough to deal with, there was the slight matter of him being apparently gay to deal with. lucian adored brae, he really did. the fluttering feeling he got whenever he was around the older male was not something that he could ignore.
but the fact was, brae was a boy. something that scared the shit out of lucian, though he hadn't yet discussed it with brae. in all honesty, he wasn't sure how to bring up the issue. lucian didn't think his boyfriend would understand, being gay or whatever he was he probably didn't understand the conflict within lucians head, that was what the fire starter believed of him anyway. lucian cared about brae, his use of control with his power around him showed just how much he cared and wanted to keep brae safe. but the fact still remained that brae was male, and lucian didn't know how to deal with it. all his life he had believed he was straight. girls were pretty and hot and he couldn't imagine ever liking boys in that way, not even a little, and now he had been thrown into the deep end with a boy who he was slowly but surely falling for, there was no doubt, lucian just couldn't get around the fact that he just... wasn't gay.
which was one of the main reasons lucian was sat outside within the park. he needed to think long and hard about his feelings for brae. he wasn't questioning them so much, for he knew exactly how he felt about the other, it was just lucian wasn't so sure how much longer he could pretend that he was fine with brae being male. he enjoyed the sex, but it freaked him out. lucian didn't fancy guys, it was just brae, and that was what scared him. maybe he was just fooling himself into believing that he fancied brae and wanted to be with him sexually because of the way he felt about brae himself. the sex was great, but it made him so fucking nervous. maybe it was because he had no fucking idea what the hell he was doing. or maybe it was the aforementioned boy problem. lucian was stuck. he was lost and he didn't know what to do. he knew now that without brae in his life he was screwed, his lack of warmth whenever the other wasn't around was one factor that showed this.
he shivered as he sat, cuddled up into his hoody, wishing that someone could just tell him what to do. he needed brae, but did he need him as a lover? but if lucian decided he didn't want brae as a lover anymore, would brae want him? those were the questions lucian was asking himself.
NOTES: ... ohwowthisisbad x: WORDS: five . four . six TAGGED: braebrae <3 OUTFIT: black little shorts, white wifebeater. black hoody CREDIT: made by HEY BAYBAY !? at caution. [/font][/center] |
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Post by BRAEDEN ACE LIVINGSTON on Nov 3, 2009 23:31:14 GMT
standing on the rooftops
  
everybody scream your heart out [/size][/font] relationship. the thing that basically scared braeden more than pretty much anything else. being committed just was not something that he had ever managed to do before. it was not that he wasn't satisfied with the person he was with, he just didn't want to be tied down, or have an emotional connection with someone. he didn't want to be hurt. braeden knew what it was to lose someone.. and he refused to feel that same pain again. or so he thought. then there was lucian. the boy who made him want to be committed. want to have only one person to hold and... love. what was love, anyway? braeden didn't really know. but for some reason, he wanted to.
as for past lovers, braeden barely remembered names, and when he did it was a miracle. sure, that made him a bit of a slut, but he really didn't care. when he wanted something he simply went after it. drugs were a big contribution to his cocky attitude, fear of committment, and addictive personality. there were drugs, booze, sex, all of the bad things that parents never liked their little babies doing. having foster parents was something that braeden had never been told was part of his life. it would probably make him turn his act around to know what his mother really was; but it wasn't like he was going to find out about it while being here. though since losing his foster mother his foster father had turned into a monster. he didn't know and probably never would.
what he did know for sure was that he liked boys as well as girls. it was something that he had come to terms with quite a long time ago. maybe it was the fact that it was so-called 'forbidden' that he liked it so much, just like many other things with such a label. lucian was someone that he had intended on simply fucking with.. and then everything ended up being so much more than that. his changes had scared him at first but after he had learned how to use them it was better. what bothered him most was that none of his illusions were real. he wished that he could make them what they seemed to be, but he couldn't focus enough for it, some of the doctors even said that 'maybe you just don't have the heart'. it was all so confusing.
he was walking around, also confused about what he had with lucian, considering he'd been asked to walk around as a girl for lucian in public. it was like a slap in the face. the boy couldn't be proud of being with him because he was a boy. it did bother him. whether he said it or not, it bothered him to the fullest extent, and it fucking hurt. the hurt scared him. like losing his mother again. fear drove him away from the things he wanted. this time he wasn't letting it.. right?
soon enough he was walking through the garden, right where his boyfriend was, if you could call him that. braeden knew that he had issues with him being a boy. it was more than obvious. it killed him. he felt that he wasn't good enough a lot of the time. the whole thing beat down his cocky attitude and turned it into a wet noodle. how could it be fair for him to have to pretend to be a girl all of the time just to make lucian happy? that was not how it was supposed to work; then again, people weren't 'supposed' to be gay, per-say. all of it was just so fucking complicated.
slowly braeden padded along over to lucian, sitting beside him, though not as himself completely. right now he was using the image of a boy who looked like he resembled braeden but wasn't. he was in public so he couldn't show who he really was. lucian was the only one who knew what he really looked like. he wasn't insecure he just didn't want to be recognized by anyone else around here. it was just another barrier to keep him from getting too close to anyone. he touched his shoulder lightly, letting his real voice come through. "hey, you." for now he was pretty softspoken. "it's me." obviously he had a lot on his mind too, and was afraid that lucian would shy away from him, considering he wasn't putting on the whole skirt and bra act right now. he leaned in to kiss his cheek then reconsidered and pulled away instead. instead of being rejected it was better to pull away himself. inflict the hurt before you can get hurt.
braeden hugged his arms around himself, feeling uncomfortable, because he knew that lucian was. someone who was proud to be with him, and as dirty as he was in bed, was what he needed. well, that was what he thought he needed. lucian was the one his heart was attached to, however unwilling. though as much as he never wanted to be in a relationship he was willing to give it a try. so why couldn't lucian get over him having a dick? it wasn't fucking fair. braeden could just as easily go off and find some boy just as sexual and be happy with that. though he knew that he wouldn't be truly happy. the happy that made his heart skip a beat. now he had to decide which meant more to him. making decisions was something he normally ran from; so all of this was incredibly hard for him. no matter how much he didn't want it to be.
wordcount - 941
sidenotes - much longer than i meant for it to be. <33
clothing - heree
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Post by LUCIAN MARCIN AMORE on Nov 4, 2009 10:54:41 GMT
* lucian marcin amore [/size] just burn me baby[/size] A N D S E T M E A L I G H T O N T H E I N S I D E - - - - - - - - - - - - lucian had never been in a relationship, he'd never felt that spark of butterflies within his stomach just at the very sight of the person he cared about. he didn't know how these sort of things worked period, never mind with the added confusion of it being a same sex relationship. the point was, lucian was trying. he really was trying to get over his fears. he just couldn't... come out. he was petrified of seeing disgusted faces staring at him everytime he walked by. but even more than all this, he was petrified of losing brae. the short time they had known eachother, they had become close. lucian knew that their meeting had been only to make him feel better and loosen him up, as brae had said, but what had come of it turned lucians knees weak. the coldness he felt when brae wasn't around he couldn't handle, it froze him at the very core. and then all it took for him to burn again was knowing brae was there, beside him.
having never been in a relationship, he had obviously never been in love. lucian didn't have a clue what love was. he loved his family, but that was the only love feeling he had ever had. but this feeling he felt for brae, whether it was love or not he didn't know, it fucking hurt. every moment brae wasn't there, lucian ached for him, longed to be reunited with his boyfriend. he'd never had sex before brae, so all that was new too. he had no idea what he was doing, and all he wanted was to make brae happy. but the bottom line was, he knew brae wasn't happy. though the other hid it well, lucian could see straight through it. he may have been naive but he wasn't stupid. it hurt brae that lucian couldn't deal with him being a boy.
another shiver ran through him as he sat. his flames had all but died out, and he felt was cold. if there was one thing lucian hated, it was being cold. but right now, no amount of layers or sitting under a boiling cascade of water was going to warm him up. he could feel brae slipping away from him and he couldn't take it. lucian knew it was getting close to the make or break time, where he either dealt with being gay or he and brae broke up. the second option, for lucian right now, was a no, a large resounding no. he didn't want to lose brae, he couldn't lose brae. if this was how cold he felt when brae just wasn't around, he didn't want to imagine the cold he would feel knowing that he and brae were no longer together.
lucian didn't notice, whilst deep in thought, the boy walking towards him. however as he felt the brush of a body beside him, he looked up wearily. he blinked a couple of times, trying to work out whether it was his lover or not. he hated not being able to recognize him, it made him feel guilty. but the fact was, brae's disguises were good. but the boy did... resemble him. as he spoke, lucian smiled, knowing immediately that it was him. he saw the lean in, thinking that brae would kiss him. they were alone, and lucian could see no one else around, but brae's kiss never came. and hurt lucian was indeed, the smile drooped, and his eyes moved to train back upon the floor, wrapping his arms a little tighter around himself, trying to keep his shivering to a minimum. he didn't want to worry brae after all.
"hey..." was all that lucian could muster as a greeting, his voice shaking as he spoke. he just wanted brae to hold him tight and tell him everything was going to be alright. but brae wasn't going to do that. lucian was starting to think brae really didn't want him anymore... or at least he didn't want him until he made up his mind on whether he could deal with the emotions coursing through his already burnt out body. "h-how are you?" he asked weakly, trying to make some sort of conversation between them to break the awkward silence that hung in the air like a corpse.
NOTES: ... a little better. and done at college =o WORDS: seven. two. zero TAGGED: braebrae <3 OUTFIT: black little shorts, white wifebeater. black hoody CREDIT: made by HEY BAYBAY !? at caution. [/font][/center] |
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